20/11/14 - DECON/RECON PROJ. (Further concept research)

For my further research into my concept, I've looked into both Ina's and my own dealings with mental health. I looked retrospectively at the lowest periods and gathered Ina's poems, menus, section forms and sheets from group therapy to look at. For myself, I looked back into the archives of blogs and online diaries and plucked out most of those written when I felt down. The thoughts and feelings that I've collected for my research will go towards the script for the art film I'm planning.

The following is a poem Ina wrote after her overdose at Chelsea and Westminster Hospital. I believe it is a recent writing, dating to maybe a year ago. This will also be put in the script for the film.

This is the starting of my greatest fear,

Living the rest of my life.

Sitting up each morning,

to face all the little fears,

to muddle through this world.

This is the starting of a war,

To fight not for country or religion,

but for myself.

So many battles I've lost,

But perhaps I'll win one today.

This is the starting of my rise to grace.

My self-esteem lies shattered in the grass,

Waiting for glue and tape

To resurrect it once more,

So I may stand tall once again.

This is the starting of the rest of my life,

Filled with sadness and happiness,

Peppered with tears and laughter

And if I'm lucky,

Coloured in love.

This is the starting of a brand new day,

One that may lead to many more,

One that will take me to my future,

If I can find the strength,

To just survive today.